My Aunt Paula called me a couple weeks back saying she believes she keeps the kitty litter industry in business. I didn’t think much of it at the time. She was probably just pissed (pun intended) she was cleaning up after her daughters pet. So I moved on. Until a few days later, over coffee she brought up the topic again.

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Paula: I don’t get it, KitCat doesn’t seem to that drink much.

Me: She’s probably drinking from the toilet or something.

Paula: No that’s dogs, Cats are cleaner!

Me: How can you be so sure?

Paula: You know the weird thing is she doesn’t always piss a lot. Just every once in awhile there is this massive boulder in the litter box.

Me: It can’t be that big!

Paula: I can’t even pick it up with the scooper! I have to use two hands!

Me: You’re exaggerating!

Paula: I swear! You gotta see this! You think KitCat needs a kidney transplant?

A couple weeks later in conversation my Aunt mentioned the cat had gotten out, as she does from time to time. She always comes back a few days later. During the time KitCat was gone, one of the “crazy kidney boulders” appeared in the fresh litter box. Paula aka PeePee Private Eye had cracked the case. So naturally she called me at 6 in the Mutha F’ing am to tell me this news.

*Ring Ring*

Me: Please state your emergency.

Paula: You’re never going to believe this!

Me: We’re not related after all? Cause you know it’s 6am, right?!

Paula: No Reece has been fucking peeing in the litter box at night!

Me: Seriously?…We ARE related?

Paula: I knew putting her room in the basement was a bad idea.

Me: You didn’t want to put her room in the basement because you knew she would pee in the litter box?

Paula: I didn’t raise her like that. How could she be so lazy? Who pisses in the litter box instead of climbing 6 stairs?

Me: You sure she was solid on the whole potty training thing?

Paula: Jesus Tasha!

Me: Did she at least use toilet paper?

Paula: If she did, she didn’t leave it in the litter box.

Me: I mean we have to stay positive she’s only 13. You have lots of time to finish potty training her before college. She is showing some real problem solving abilities too.

Paula: I guess you’re right. I’m lucky she’s a morning pooper.

Family… #AmIRight?!

Image: Unsplash


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About The Author

Founder and Editor-in-chief at Effort-Lez. Writer, comedian and career lesbian. Interests include, but are not limited to: Kanye West's Fade video, drinking wine & making out (while watching Kanye West's Fade video), cerebral hoarding, three point stands and laughing myself into quadriplegia.

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